Mommy's smile. I love this smile. It can make any bad day turn into a good one. We had so much fun at the park. I love spring days off and I love this age. This was Carter's first time to the playground and we had so much fun.

I found a lump in Jaxson's neck on Friday and was beside myself with worry. He has had a fever for a few days and I of course started thinking the worse. Cancer laid hard on my thoughts and the thoughts of losing my little boy were neurotic mother but it made me realize how precious life is and how much my kids mean to me. I prayed and cried and lost sleep. I called my mom and cried and was so consumed with the thoughts of what losing my little Jaxson would do to me. I have tend to be very controlling when it comes to my children and tend to forget they have a father......it is the mother inside of me. This whole experience was humbling to me because it made me realize the pain I would feel if I couldn't be with my children and felt compassion for the parents that can't be with their kids all the time. I am not a perfect person and I have alot to be sorry for but most of all my heart is sorry for the pain I have caused the people around me. I know I am not an easy person to love. I am not an easy person to get along with. I have problems but I am grateful for the true people that can love me at my worse. They truly are the ones that deserve me at my best.