The human brain is an amazing organ. The information it can collect and save is endless. Its amazing that I can have a dream last night of being in my grandmas bedroom and my mind can recall the way she smelled. Something I had forgotten. I had forgotten her smell and her voice and one dream brought it flooding back. And in my dream I was doing what I did so many times as a child, I was looking through her clothes and jewelry. And I remembered her so well. And she was so close to me. I miss her but I love that I can remember her through a dream

jaxson

J is for joy. You have brought so much joy into my life since the morning you were born.

A is for act. Your presence in my life makes me want to act like a better person.

X is for xoxo. You always give me the right amount of hugs and kisses when I need them.

S is for sacrifice. There is NOTHING I wouldnt sacrifice in my life for you.

O is for only. There is only one Jaxson. And I wouldnt have it any other way.

N is for never. I will make sure you NEVER forget how much I love you!

Some Jaxson phrases:

Now thats what Im talking about

Let me tell you something about this

You are my best friend

Mom, can u close your eyes so I can get some snacks?

And we will never forget Jaxsons winning moment at the halloween party where he won best costume for being an angry bird. He gladly skipped up to the stage and took the microphone and said as loud as he could "Im Jaxson and Im an angry bird"

The Lord uses a scale very different from the world's to weigh the worth of a soul .......Dieter F. Uchtdorf

This month has been an up and down of happiness and sadness. Most of the times, pure happiness because I am a lucky woman to have a great husband and three beautiful kids. Sadness, because for the first time in my life, I have pure hate in my heart. I hate a person so much that it actually makes myself hurt. Hate is a much different emotion than I ever expected it to be. You watch the TV programs where the scorned woman hates the man so much that she consumes her time boiling with rage. True hate is as I have discovered the most intense feeling of just regret. I just want this person to never appear in my life again.

I was distracted away from the important things in my life by something that was worthless. I have found myself again and the woman that I was before I made a really bad choice that I regret. I have discovered the true beauty of the atonement. I am not going to say that I am perfect again or that I ever was, I am just happy to have found the beauty of life again. And as I stated in the previous paragraph, I am still working on so many emotions and consequences of picking a path that should not have been taken, but because of the atonement, I can be restored to the kind of person I desire to be.

And the most beautiful part of everyday is that I look at my three beautiful little boys and I know that I am doing what I should have been doing from the very beginning.......working on myself so that I can be the mother they need to lead them in the world. I have been exposed to the worse part of the world in the past year and I have realized the danger my boys will face growing up in this world. I know the woman I have to be to raise them safe.



......Dont go away mad, just go away.....................................................

Trunk or Treat

I wouldnt have nothing, if I didnt have you

Today was a day of relaxation. (sort of) Carter is a full blown toddler full of trouble. He gets into everything. Poor Dallas can no longer use his dog door because Carter uses it to escape into the backyard. It is bringing back memories to toddle proof the house again. I remember having both Connor and Jaxson at this age and having some of the best times of my life. Carter has been a bitter sweet situation. I have had to battle since he was born against the worse kind of forces that would take a baby away from his mother. I would never regret having Carter or ever give him up without a fight. Because I do not claim to be perfect and I would be unrealistic if I said that I have never made mistakes as a mother but I love my little boys unconditionally. And I am grateful for a man in my life who is a good man to those boys.

Halloween monsters

I still love Fall but I hate the colds that come with the change of the season. Cold germs have spread from oldest to youngest in this house this week. We have also had ulcers and kidney stones.......A month of the plaque. Carter is the newest victim and his nose has turned into a fountain of yucky goo. He has also learned how to stick his finger up there and to say the word "yellow". Not because of his nose but because I have been spending at least thirty minutes a day with him teaching him his colors. He now tells me "poo" but only after he has already gone but we have been practicing sitting on the toilet. Jaxson is learning so much in kindergarten and is truly my best little friend. He has the sweetest spirit ever and makes me remember everyday that there is happiness through sadness. Connor is doing well in third grade and works so hard on his hockey. He scores at least one goal every game. I know that I am a lucky woman because I truly have been blessed with three of the sweetest little boys. Without them I would be lost.

Today the leaves were blowing across the road and over the lawns and the air smelled like Fall. I love it. I love trick or treating. I love wearing light jackets and sweaters. I LOVE fall food. My patient had a family member bring in fresh from the tree apples and they were so crisp and sweet. I decided that I have been a selfish cook and only cook the dinners I like but I decided to step out of myself. I made the boys a roast today with potatoes and carrots. It simmered all day in the slow cooker so the whole house smells like roast. I know some people love the smell of a roast simmering but I prefer something sweeter like pumpkin or cookies. But I still enjoyed the smell of roast better than the smell of work. Tuesday we are heading to johnsons farm to pumpkin and apple pick during the afternoon. I cant wait to take hayride with the little boys.

Is it October already? I can't believe in a few short weeks we will be Trick or Treating. The boys are so excited this year to go. Connor is going to be a scary skeleton/grim reaper. Jaxson is going to be the red angry bird. I am making his costume and it has been so much fun. I can't wait to see how cute he is going to look on Halloween. I got a red shirt and glued and sewed feathers all over the front of it. Carter is going to be a little monster. He has perfected his monster growl. Whenever he sees anything scary or a monster he growls. Dallas the dog is going to be a bumble bee. I'm sure he will be thrilled with his costume.( Jaxson picked it out)

My favorite album right now is still Adele and I love driving around with my boys because they all sing along with the CD. Connor and Jaxson are growing up so fast. I miss having them as little babies but enjoy them as little boys too.

Carter is getting older now and becoming more independent and I miss having a baby. I think I must be crazy. I don't think I will ever not want to have little babies. I should have married someone who wanted 10 kids because I just can't stop missing that baby phase. I love the smell of newborns. The top of my babies heads smell like heaven to me. I love kissing little baby lips. And NOTHING in life is better than having a new baby wrapped all up and laying against your chest with their sweet milk breath blowing on your cheek. I love the age Carter is right now too. I love that he can walk and play and be independent and I love hearing him say, "mommy, mommy, mommy" and the way he holds out his arms for me to pick him up and hold him. Little arms wrapped around your neck feels divine. I would give my children anything. I would give them my happiness, life, or body if they needed it. And I still don't feel like it would be as much as they have given to me. For eight years they have been my happiness in life and in times where I didn't feel like going on anymore, they were my reason.