Today I do not like:
humidity
angel wings
songs on the radio that I liked at one time and now hate to listen to
hamburgers that are too big
crying
the 15 minutes before bedtime when suddenly the kids are starving and remember they have homework to finish before tomorrow
dreaming

I do like:
my memory foam waiting to cradle me to sleep tonight

Grandma

This weekend would have been my grandma's birthday. I thought about and missed her today. She is still the greatest woman I have ever met. I learned so much from my grandmother growing up. She was an example of long suffering, patience, and unconditional love. Grandma loved all of us despite our weaknesses. I cannot imagine how hard it must have been for her to have three small children at home, an husband who was an alcoholic, and being responsible for being the sole provider for the family. I never heard her complain or even talk bad about the situation she lived in. She was so much fun. I spend many weekends sleeping over at grandma's house with my cousins. Grandma would buy us cookies, soda, and candy and let us eat as much as we liked. She would play games with us, ride bikes with us, and she NEVER said no. I'm not kidding when I say that she never said no. She let her grandkids do anything. I even remember her letting us drive her car before we had licenses. My grandparents had cement flooring in their basement and me and Skyler decided to turn the basement into a skating rink. Grandma let us spray paint all over the walls and hang up a disco ball.

My grandma was at my high school graduation and she urged me to continue on with my education. Two years later she was at my first college graduation. She attended my first wedding and a year later hugged me as I filed for divorce and told me I was destined for better. She was there for the birth and death of my first son and that was the first time I saw my grandma cry. She hugged me and promised me that one day I would have another child. Four years later she held my newborn son Connor.

I miss having her here for all my milestones now. I wish she could have been here to see me graduate from nursing school as she was the one who told me that I could be anything I wanted to be. She died when I was pregnant with Jaxson and I feel sorrow when I look at my boys, I wish that they could have known her. She was such a light in my life and I will always remember her cheerful laugh.

Back from the doctors and I am sore. Two spots removed and sutured up. Both of them on my left side.....makes nursing very uncomfortable. I go back in two weeks and will possibly have the other spots removed. The one spot was high enough I could see everything they were doing. At one point I looked down and there was a hole in me! A nice round hole where my flesh had been removed. That is the point I started shaking and sweating. I am such a baby. I would love to watch the process on someone else...not me. When they loaded the needle to numb me and came towards my chest with it, I got nervous. Sharp objects near my breasts make me nervous. (haha)

Carter or Jaxson

Which baby is Jaxson and which one is Carter??? Everyone comments about how much Carter looks like Jaxson. I thought it would be fun to compare pictures at the same age.

5 weeks

We made it to 5 weeks. Carter is growing bigger and bigger everyday. He is starting to feel like a 10 lb bag of rice when you pick him up because he is so squishy. We had a really bad day yesterday.....he seems to have one about once a week. He just cries and fusses all day. I would cry too if I had to live in that little body that doesn't work the way he wants it to yet.

I have been feeling guilty lately for neglecting the other two kids. Connor is easy to please, I buy him pokemon cards every week at the grocery store and he is satisfied. Jaxson, he is a little harder. Today I loaded Carter and Jaxson in the car and we headed to McDonalds. Not just for food but I gave Jaxson an hour of play time on the playset. He was in heaven. I felt he deserved it because I dragged him to my work before and he was so patient waiting for me to talk with the bosses. He was so kind and loving to all the seniors and even gave my favorite little lady Ruth a kiss on the cheek. He was so excited and cute making everyone look at his new little brother. I can't wait to tell Carter one day how excited his older brother Jaxson was to show him off.

Memorial Weekend will be filled with appointments, moves, and hopefully some relaxing. I am going back to the specialist tomorrow about my skin. I hope this one will have some answers for me and I am going to insist on a biopsy on at least one of the spots. I have found two more areas with a total now of 6. Scary since the first doctor I went to was concerned because I had two.

As promised, a photo from one month. I did not get the pictures I had taken because they were not ready when I went on Friday to pick them up. I was very upset!

Carter had his one month check up today. He missed getting his shots because I forgot to add him to the insurance policy so he was not insured. He got a full check from the doctor and is a healthy little boy. Only concern they have is they suspect he has reflux. They gave me the referral to get a milk scan done but I think I will wait it out another month. He is now 10 lbs 5 oz and 21 inches long. His head and chest measure in the 50th percentile. He is perfect.

Coming home from church yesterday Connor said to Carter, "Carter, you have big brains" I guess that is a brothers way of saying....you have a big head.

We made it to one month! And what a month it has been. Carter is a man of schedules. He sleeps and eats at the same times every day. He does not sleep through the night anymore. He must be a Rob Thomas fan because at 3 AM he screams for me. He must be lonely. HAHAHAHA

Tomorrow night is the annual father son camp out. This will be Jaxson's first year going. He is so excited. I hope Jade doesn't lose him.

Tomorrow night will be a mom and Carter night. He can't wait to sleep in that big, soft bed with me all night.

I get the photos back tomorrow that I got taken a week ago. I will post them when I get them. I will also post Carter's 4 week old photo soon. Until then, enjoy this one. He looks like he is going to punch me. He really does love bath time.

Carter 3 weeks old

I don't get to blog as often as I would like anymore. In fact, I don't get to shower as often as I would like anymore. Or eat.......or sleep.......but it is so much fun holding my little baby. And when he is awake and going cross eyed from trying so hard to focus on my face, it makes it all worth it.

Connor is still busy playing hockey. He had two games this weekend and unfortunately his team lost both of them. Not because of his lack of skills. He has a natural talent for hockey and soccer. It is so much fun watching him play.

Jaxson will be our actor. I am still making that prediction. He has NO interest in sports at all. He prefers watching shows and memorizing the theme songs and singing them. He likes to change his voice tone to match how he is feeling and likes being the center of attention. He has to make sure everyone notices him. His new favorite excuse for EVERYTHING...."I'm too sick mom! I can't do it" He is currently trying to convince me as I type this that his shirt which says The Rolling Stones.....does not say that but instead it says....Buy me donuts. He loves showing everyone his baby brother Carter. He made sure everyone at stake conference today got a glimpse of his brother.

And Dallas the dog is a pain in the butt. He has ripped up more diapers and pacifiers than I even care to admit. (because I am the one that usually forgets about them and leaves them within reach)

We have been on an Arrested Development kick since having Carter. We spend most of our time sitting at home watching all the episodes on netflix. I cannot believe they canceled that show. I want to start a petition to bring Arrested Development back. It was a great show.

I took Carter this week to get his first picture taken. It didn't go so well. He woke up when we got there and did not want to sit still. He was twisting, turning, and trying to eat everything. The photographer convinced me to get in the photo with him promising not to get any of my post baby fat in the picture....she was a liar. I will post the pictures when I get them back. I am taking him somewhere else in the next two weeks. I wasn't happy with these pictures and I forgot the hat for his blessing outfit.

3 weeks old

My first week alone and things have gone smoothly. Carter is no longer sleeping through the night. That has been rough. He is so similar to Connor as a newborn and demands to be held all the time. (even when sleeping) He has the ability to tell when he has been laid down. It makes for long nights. Mothers Day had a whole new meaning this year. It was so special to have such a new spirit this Mothers Day. I am so happy to have three little boys.

2 weeks old

Carter is two weeks old. I can't believe how time flies. It has been easy because I had my mom and sister the first week to help me and Jade was home all this week. I'm all alone next week and afraid I will be screaming to take mental health days but they have all been used up. Haha. Here are some of Carter's two week highlights.

Bedtime: He falls asleep at 10 PM and sleeps until 5 AM. I pray everynight that this pattern of rest does NOT stop.

Favorite time of the day: Bathtime. He LOVES to be in the bath. He never cries. I have pictures of both Connor and Jaxson screaming in the bath water and Carter is just content.

Because he is such a good sleeper at night, he misses some of his feedings and makes up for them during the day. He wants to nurse every 2 hours during the day. Sometimes every hour. When I look at the rolls of fat developing on his arms and legs, it makes it worth it.

He cries in the car. He does not seem to like being in his swing, car seat, or bouncy chair. He prefers to be held in mommy or daddy's arms.

He has a reddish tint to his scarce hair and his eyes are still blue but may be changing? I have my money on blue and Jade is convinced they will turn brown. I predict he will be bald in 2 more weeks. The hair line is moving back more and more everyday.

He still has the plugged tear ducts. His eyes always water and occasionally have to be wiped out with a cotton ball because they drain mucous. The doctor told us it can take up to 6 months to resolve.

He tries hard to cry REALLY loud but just doesn't seem to have the lung power yet. (small blessings from God)

I have to document that a true miracle occured in the Borowski home last night. Carter slept from 10 PM until 7 AM. A full night of sleep for me! I am not getting too excited as I expect to be up with him tonight but it was so sweet last night.