Tired today.....just plain tired. Not much to say. Craving apples and peanut butter and I ate a whole container of raspberries. Resisted the fast food today. Maybe that will settle my stomach a little bit.

Always better when we're together

More snow is on the way. It almost makes me cry. I cannot believe how much snow we have had this year. I feel like I am back out West. Tonight, I suddenly feel like watching "The Shining"

Connor had a double ear infection this week and Jaxson is congested. I decided the perfect dinner tonight would be homemade chicken noodle soup. Perfect for sickness and cold weather. makes you hungry doesn't it???

Tonight I am going to curl up in my warm bed with my ipod and listen to my new favorite.....Jack Johnson. My favorite lyrics....if you haven't listened to Jack....try him out.

There's no combination of words
I could put on the back of a postcard
No song that I could sing
But I can try for your heart
Our dreams, and they are made out of real things
Like a, shoebox of photographs
With sepiatone loving
Love is the answer,
At least for most of the questions in my heart
Like why are we here? And where do we go?
And how come it's so hard?
It's not always easy and
Sometimes life can be deceiving
I'll tell you one thing it's always better when we're together

And all of these moments
Just might find their way into my dreams tonight
But I know that they'll be gone
When the morning light sings
And brings new things
For tomorrow night you see
That they'll be gone too
Too many things I have to do
But if all of these dreams might find their way
Into my day to day scene
I'd be under the impression
I was somewhere in between
With only two
Just me and you
Not so many things we got to do
Or places we got to be
We'll Sit beneath the mango tree now

It's always better when we're together
Mmmm, we're somewhere in between together
Well, it's always better when we're together
Yeah, it's always better when we're together

MMmmmm MMMmmmm Mmmmmm
I believe in memories
They look so, so pretty when I sleep
Hey now, and when I wake up,
You look so pretty sleeping next to me
But there is not enough time,
And there is no, no song I could sing
And there is no, combination of words I could say
But I will still tell you one thing
We're better together.

Shannonology

Tag- You're it!!! Let others know a little more about yourself by re-posting and tagging your friends. Re post note as your name "ology"

1) What is your salad dressing of choice? Ranch

2) What is your favorite sit-down restaurant? anything Mexican

3) What food could you eat for 2 weeks straight and not get sick of it? Taco Time

4) What are your pizza toppings of choice? veggies

5) What do you like to put on your toast? butter

6) How many televisions are in your house? 3

7) What color cell phone do you have? purple

8) Are you right-handed or left-handed? righty

9) Have you ever had anything removed from your body? Three baby boys and an ovary

10) What is the last heavy item you lifted? A patient

11) Have you ever been knocked unconscious? I don't remember.....I don't think so.

12) If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die? NO!

13) If you could change your name, what would you change it to? Mystery

14) Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1000? make is 1001 dollars and you're on!

15) How many pairs of flip flops do you own? too many to count. I love flip flops

16) What’s your goal for the year? to keep my sanity.
17) Last person you talked to? Julie

18) Last person you hugged? Jaxson

19) Favorite Season? Spring

20) Favorite holiday? Christmas because my boys are so excited

21) Favorite day of the week? Saturday

22) Favorite Month? June

23) First place you went this morning? the bathroom

24) What's the last movie you saw? Couples Retreat

25) Do you smile often? everytime I talk to my children or see them
26) Do you always answer your phone? Usually, depends on if I'm busy or not.

27) It's four in the morning and you get a text message, who is it? It better be someone important....I am usually just getting back to sleep at 4 AM
28) If you could change your eye color what would it be? I like my brown eyes

29) What flavor drink do you get at Sonic? raspberry

30) Have you ever had a pet fish? yes

31) Favorite Christmas song? You're a mean one, Mr Grinch

32) What's on your wish list for your birthday? My birthday is over....

33) Can you do push ups? How many

34) Can you do a chin up? not with my chicken arms

35) Does the future make you more nervous or excited? NERVOUS!

36) Do you have any saved texts? yes

37) Ever been in a car wreck? yes. Someone rear ended me twice

38) Do you have an accent? people say that I do. A Utah accent by Golly

39) What is the last song to make you cry? I can't think of one. Songs don't make me that emotional

40) Plans tonight? yes, with my memory foam

41) Have you ever felt like you hit rock bottom? yes. For one whole year of my life. I snapped out of it though

42) Name 3 things you bought yesterday? gummy bunnies, antibiotic for Connor, and Hershey kisses.

43) Have you ever been given roses? Yes

44) Current hate right now? loud trucks

45) Met someone who changed your life? of course

46) How did you bring in the New Year? in bed reading a book alone.

47) What song represents you? I have no idea

48) Name three people who might complete this? everyone who reads it

49) What were you doing 12 AM last night? sleeping and dreaming about running away to Vegas

50) What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up? the same thing I think of everymorning, "Is is really morning already?"

Nobody ever said it was easy

Wow, I have been out of school for 9 months now. I have I been a R.N. for 8 months and been working for 7 months. My experiences as a nurse are just beginning and I'm so excited for what lies ahead in the future. During my maternity leave I am beginning a BSN program. I joked with my friend Tiff today and was completely honest when I said, "I can get all the degrees the nursing profession offers.....I'm still dumb as dirt" I feel that way somedays.

I trained another nurse today and as I showed her the ropes I felt sad that soon I won't see my patients everyday. They were so kind to me today and I didn't realize how attached to some of them I have become. They are all aware of my pregnancy now and get so excited to feel my stomach and feel the baby kicking around. It's easy to feel like I am constantly doing everything for them but as I get bigger and it is harder to bend down and get around, they have been so kind. They pick up my papers when I drop them and offer to push my cart for me. Working in long term care has been interesting. I love looking at the pictures of my patients when they were young and imagining what they must have been like before the effects of time and age hit them.

7 more weeks of this pregnancy. I'm afraid. I have never felt this way with the other ones. With Connor I was so excited. I couldn't wait. With Jaxson, Connor was still so young and kept me so busy that I didn't have time to feel anxious of scared. I don't know where this fear is coming from. I suspect it is because I tend to carefully plan out every aspect of my life. I overthink every action I make. This pregnancy was such a surprise and not part of the plans that I had made. I know it will be fine, just anxious.

I am making a permanent indent in my bed. I come home from work and my ankles are usually so swollen from standing that I plant myself on my bed, turn my ipod onto Nora Jones and only move when I have to. I have a certain amount of energy stored everyday and being at work depletes me. I'm pretty worthless when I get home. Everyone at work seems to be getting anxious that I'm going to have the baby there......maybe I will?? Jade would have me working until they drag me out on a stretcher. My supervisor reminded me today that she was a labor and delivery nurse. She assured me that she has the skills to deliver my baby if I need her to. I pray every morning that if I have to go into labor anywhere that it NOT be the nursing home. Walmart, the park, the grocery store....anywhere but the nursing home. And that's exactly why I will probably go into labor at the nursing home.......

Today I am grateful that although I feel this big......I am NOT! 7 more weeks!

*****I had to delete the photo from this posting. I couldn't even stand to look at it******

A day in the life of a nurse in long term care

I arrived before the sun was up for work this morning only to discover that my "problem" patient from yesterday was up ALL night long and was STILL being a "problem" And she had pulled her catheter out.......

Nursing skill in action #1-Loaded her up with Xanax and said a silent prayer that she would finally fall asleep and wake up out of psychosis. Inserted a new Foley catheter and said another silent prayer when I got it in the right spot the first time I tried. Such a wonderful feeling to put that cath in the place you suspect and see yellow liquid come rushing through the tubing. Such accomplishment.

While on AM medication pass discovered first patient that had decided to open up their depends and play in feces. I was feeling generous today and instead of finding the CNA responsible for cleaning the mess, I cleaned her up.

Nursing skill in action #2-Cleaning up feces. I made it through my whole clinical experience in nursing school without cleaning up feces.......to make up for it, I have a job where I do it daily.

Still on morning med pass, discovered patient that I was 98% sure was expired. Yep, kicked the bucket, gone to heaven, out of this life......went to get my stethoscope to listen for heart sounds after shaking the patient and trying unsuccessfully to get her to respond. Reached down to listen for heart tones and her eyes flew open, she sat straight up, and took the biggest breath of air I have heard in a long time.

Nursing skill in action #3-Don't call the mortuary until you are POSITIVE the patient is in fact gone spiritually. Try the nursing magic touch first, you may just restart the life cycle.

Med pass continues, find second patient playing in feces. This time I am not feeling as generous and find the CNA to do the dirty work.

Nursing skill in action #4-delegate all skills you don't want to complete to appropriate staff.

The rest of the afternoon goes smoothly. Medication pass is completed and all patients are appropriately medicated and I begin to do my charting. First fight between female patients breaks out. I jump up and my role of nurse turns to security. I break the guilty parties up and luckily got there while it was still in the hair pulling phase. Parties were separated and I escaped without a hit or scratch.

Nursing skill in action #5-Sometimes you must act as a bouncer and be the peacemaker between fighting parties. The real skill is breaking up the fight WITHOUT becoming part of it and I mean breaking it up without getting hit yourself.

Fight number 2 breaks out. I am not involved this time just an observer.

The shift begins to wind down and I am thinking I am in the clear. Not yet though. Patient decides to begin acting COMPLETELY crazy. She is standing up out of her wheelchair and running down the hall. She is a HUGE fall risk and after running after her 5 times to catch her and sit her back down I move her over next to me at the desk. I give her a magazine hoping to distract her while I wait for the doctor to call me back. I turn around and she begins to beat me in the back with the magazine.

Nursing skill in action #6-NEVER turn your back on an agitated patient. Since it was the end of my day, I forgot this vital skill and paid the price. Unfortunately, so did the patient. See, she did this in front of the nurses station in front of about 6 other disoriented female patients that could see I am visibly pregnant. World War III broke out as they all swarmed in to attack and the forces were more than I could handle. Thankfully more staff was called in and the fight was disbanded without injuries.

The next nurse on duty arrived and I was more than ready and grateful to hand over the keys! I can only imagine how much fun he is having tonight. I was driving home reflecting on my day and I decided that instead of ordering xanax and medicating all the patients on the floor, the doctor should leave a PRN order of xanax for the nurses. Maybe that was my problem to begin with. I shouldn't have started my day giving xanax, I should have started my day TAKING xanax.

Bring on this baby, I am so ready after this nursing experiences.

Jaxson and Tavis

Tavis and Jaxson

Skyler and Shannon

Snow 2010

I had to take Jaxson with me yesterday for a two hour dental appointment. Thanks to modern technology and Nintendo Gameboy, he sat in a chair and only made a few interruptions. It helped to calm him with promises of Golden Arches (McDonalds) for lunch if he behaved. He was so good until it was time to leave. Before I could get up from the chair, he ran through each room with different patients and said goodbye to all of them. Loudly. He had to make sure they all knew he was leaving.

Connor has such a different personality. He is so serious sometimes. After dropping Jaxson off for school yesterday we had ten minutes before I had to take Connor to school. I asked Connor if he wanted to stop at Dunkin Donuts and get a treat before school. He refused saying he didn't want to be late for school. I explained to him that he had 10 minutes before school started and he said, "No. I want to go now so I can be early and we can get a close parking spot" ????? A first grader that will pass up a donut to be 10 minutes early for school? He was explaining to me on the way home from school that he is working really hard to get higher scores on his spelling tests. He is so determined and wants to be the best at everything he does. I hope it doesn't interfere with his ability to just enjoy life. He has two really good friends that live on our street named Zack and Geo. They are older than Connor but the three of them play really well together. Connor told me, "Mom, I don't want to move to another house ever because I like my friends Geo and Zack" The three of them have beat every Nintendo Wii game we own. I spent yesterday night helping Connor finish all of his Valentines cards for his classmates. It was so much fun to see how thoughtful he has become. He selected each card individually for his classmates by making decisions on which one they would like the best.

While I have been VERY aware of my pregnancy for the past few months, some of my coworkers have just started to notice that I am pregnant. The nurse I gave report to today said to me, "Oh, my, I didn't know you were expecting. You just popped out." She didn't believe me when I told her that I am 7 months along. I find that so hard to believe because I feel HUGE! Tonight my hips and back are really hurting me. Standing for 8 hours at work is starting to get difficult. I'm slowing down. I can't move away from the aggressive patients as fast as I could before. One almost got me today. I was trying to reach around her and put her wheelchair brakes on and she was reaching around trying to hit me and grab my hair. After a REALLY close call I decided to kick the brakes on with my feet. It was successful and injuries were avoided. Last week one of the ladies was mad at me and said, "You are lucky you have a baby in your stomach because I want to hit you so hard." Pregnancy saved me that day.

We have so much snow and we are getting more tonight! I have never seen this much snow in New Jersey. I feel like I am back in Calgary,

Jaxson is sleeping on the pillow next to me and I am in heaven looking at his chubby cheeks, little lips, perfect button nose, and peaceful eyes. I wonder what he is dreaming about. What do four year olds dream about? Endless supplies of McDonalds? Having the ability to be Diego the Explorer?

As I look at his little face sleeping I remember the first time I saw him after the doctor cleaned him off and handed him to me. I remember looking into his open, wide eyes and falling into a love that only a mother feels for her child. Jaxson was my hairy baby and had a full head of DARK, DARK hair. He didn't sleep in his crib. He liked sleeping in his bouncy chair. I would put him in it next to my bed and I remember waking up a few times in the night just to look at his peaceful little face sleeping. As I look at him sleeping on his pillow next to me, I look at his face and can still see my newborn baby with crazy, dark hair. I imagine that I will look at him when he is in his 20's and 30's and still see my newborn.

I worked all weekend and stayed overnight Friday night because of the snow and when I walked in the house Saturday night, Jaxson met me at the door and hugged me and said, "mom, I missed you" I hope he knows one day how much I love and miss him when I have to be away from him.

Today was my first day at work that I felt pregnant. After a few hours on my feet, my back started hurting and I came to realize that my time is getting short. I had decided to stay home after I came back from my Utah vacation but realized that time goes by slower when you are home and doing nothing. I am hoping that if I keep busy with work, the next few weeks will fly by. I came home from work and went straight to my bed and slept for 3 hours. I am still fighting off this nasty cold so maybe that is why I am feeling run down.

Getting back from vacation is always hard. Especially when it is leaving people you love so dearly and returning back to reality. It was great to get back to my boys but a week in Utah left me feeling even more homesick. It is like giving up Coca Cola. You don't miss that cool refreshing taste in your mouth if you haven't had it for awhile but all it takes is one can and you are hooked again.

I return to work tomorrow for a four day stretch. The news is calling for another famous New Jersey snow dump on Friday night through Saturday morning so maybe I will be staying in Medford this weekend. This snow is crazy! We usually get like one or two snow falls a year and it just keeps coming this winter. I can't wait for Spring.

I witnessed an act of human behavior at it's worse today. I was sitting in the Walmart parking lot with Jaxson finishing our lunch before grocery shopping and a brown mercury came speeding into the parking lot. The lady pulled into the spot across from us and hit right into the back of the car in front of her. I watched her get out of her car, grab a cart, and go into Walmart like nothing had happened. I got out and looked and she had caused damage to the car she hit. I did the only right thing and left a note on the car with the ladies license plate number and the make of her car. I HATE when I come out of a store and see scratches on my car from people hitting their doors into it or hitting it with shopping carts.

And to end my post I must document my experience flying home. I noticed in the SLC airport a guy taking pictures of all the planes from the window inside. I thought it was a little odd. I boarded my flight and was less than thrilled to discover that I was sitting across from the guy on the plane. I noticed right away that he had a book and several religious items in his lap but I decided not to let my imagination get away with me and started minding my own business. About 60 minutes towards the end of the flight he got up and went into the bathroom. He was gone for a LONG time. He was in the bathroom for so long that people were lining up down the aisle of the plane. When he finally came out I noticed right away that he had something square under his shirt. He was VERY thin and his shirt was tight. He sat down and started chanting from his book and he had some religious symbol in his hand that he was kissing. My nursing assessment skills kicked in and I noticed that he was sweating profusely and his knuckles were white from being clenched. I began to get VERY nervous. I am paranoid as it is but I started freaking out thinking that my plane was going to blow up. I tried to tell myself that maybe he was just practicing his religious beliefs which I can respect but when he started chanting out loud and sweating I thought, "Oh crap! Why is he so nervous. Why is he praying? Does he know something I don't?" I put my headphones on and tried to tell myself that I was just being silly until the guy behind me tapped me on the shoulder and said, "This guy next to you is making me very nervous. He is not acting right. Would you mind switching me seats so I can sit closer? Just in case?" I was FREAKING out at this point. I switched seats with him for the rest of the flight and nothing happened obviously but it was terrifying. It made me more aware of how much things have changed since 9-11and the fear that still lives from that day not just for me but for others when they board a plane. I did reflect for a time on how frightening it must have been for those people aboard those planes. I couldn't help but feel so helpless. It made me aware of how much power over so many lives one person can possess in a situation like that.