Nobody ever said it was easy

Wow, I have been out of school for 9 months now. I have I been a R.N. for 8 months and been working for 7 months. My experiences as a nurse are just beginning and I'm so excited for what lies ahead in the future. During my maternity leave I am beginning a BSN program. I joked with my friend Tiff today and was completely honest when I said, "I can get all the degrees the nursing profession offers.....I'm still dumb as dirt" I feel that way somedays.

I trained another nurse today and as I showed her the ropes I felt sad that soon I won't see my patients everyday. They were so kind to me today and I didn't realize how attached to some of them I have become. They are all aware of my pregnancy now and get so excited to feel my stomach and feel the baby kicking around. It's easy to feel like I am constantly doing everything for them but as I get bigger and it is harder to bend down and get around, they have been so kind. They pick up my papers when I drop them and offer to push my cart for me. Working in long term care has been interesting. I love looking at the pictures of my patients when they were young and imagining what they must have been like before the effects of time and age hit them.

7 more weeks of this pregnancy. I'm afraid. I have never felt this way with the other ones. With Connor I was so excited. I couldn't wait. With Jaxson, Connor was still so young and kept me so busy that I didn't have time to feel anxious of scared. I don't know where this fear is coming from. I suspect it is because I tend to carefully plan out every aspect of my life. I overthink every action I make. This pregnancy was such a surprise and not part of the plans that I had made. I know it will be fine, just anxious.

I am making a permanent indent in my bed. I come home from work and my ankles are usually so swollen from standing that I plant myself on my bed, turn my ipod onto Nora Jones and only move when I have to. I have a certain amount of energy stored everyday and being at work depletes me. I'm pretty worthless when I get home. Everyone at work seems to be getting anxious that I'm going to have the baby there......maybe I will?? Jade would have me working until they drag me out on a stretcher. My supervisor reminded me today that she was a labor and delivery nurse. She assured me that she has the skills to deliver my baby if I need her to. I pray every morning that if I have to go into labor anywhere that it NOT be the nursing home. Walmart, the park, the grocery store....anywhere but the nursing home. And that's exactly why I will probably go into labor at the nursing home.......