I have been busy the over the last week or so making these cute skirts!!! This is why I need a daughter!!!! Since I don't have cute little girls to give them to, I will have to mail them to my lucky little nieces Arianna and Naomi in Calgary. Thank you Sarah for the cute idea!
So, I have always had a huge interest in hospice care but lately, it is growing in intensity. I am just upset with the experiences that I have already had with patients dying and the end of life care they are receiving. Maybe I am too biased and close minded but I have a strong belief that everyone deserves to die with dignity and comfort. I do not see anything wrong with giving someone that is dying morphine. Does it decrease their respiration's to the point that it caused death to come sooner?? Maybe, it hasn't been proven but it makes those final moments where they are Cheyne Stoking and becoming oxygen starved less painful. I have witnessed first hand the change a patient experiences when they are in that final breathing pattern and they are administered morphine. They become so much more relaxed and peaceful. I also don't feel that addiction should even be considered when dealing with someone who is terminal. Who cares if they become addicted to pain medication? THEY ARE DYING!!!!
My next rant, feeding someone during the dying process. PLEASE do not let anyone feed me when I am dying. The body truly does run like a machine and when that machine starts shutting down, not all systems may be functioning anymore. People in the dying process stop eating for a reason. They are no longer physically hungry anymore. The digestive system has shut down. I know it seems cruel to not feed them but I have witnessed what happens when you feed them. It comes right back out, over and over again. It is not pleasant.
I feel so passionate about end of life care and it upsets me to know that not everyone feels the same way. (because everyone should feel the same way I do right?) Ok, they don't have to think the same as me but I really feel that in health care, the definition of comfort care is not clearly defined. It is something that is not really written in stone or discussed as much as other aspects of patient care and it is so important.
Maybe this is why I felt inspired to get into nursing. Maybe this is my plan......to change the way society views hospice care??? Who knows. But for the time being.....here are my wishes.
I do not want to be on a feeding tube when my body is ready to start shutting down
I do not want a machine to breathe for me when my years have past and my life fulfilled.
I do not want antibiotics to fight off an infections that may be the one thing that gives me the ability to close my eyes and pass into eternity. Dying of an infection is not a bad death.
I do not want crying, loud noises or fear. When the time comes, I will face death with the knowledge that I have that it is not the end.
Jaxson's favorite thing to do right now is get right up in your face, look into your eyes and say, "Are you happy?" As I looked into his big brown eyes today I couldn't help but sigh and think, "Yes, with you in my life, I am happy"
2008
Our annual trip to pick apples. We have been going since Connor was a baby. I posted some pictures from the past and the some pictures from this year. We seem to skip every other year??? I just realized that this was the first year I have taken Jaxson. Sad!!! 
A final picture from the past. We look like farmers.....
When I am old and gray, I will miss these chubby dirty fingers!
Twilight HD Exclusive Trailer
I cannot wait to see this movie! To hear the sound you have to pause the other music playing!
I have been in deep thought. I don't know why my spiritual side is making me slow a little but I suspect that this is a time in my life that I need to slow down, step outside of the situation, and look in with the eyes of a stranger. I enjoyed President Monson's talk this Conference about "living for the moment". How many times do we slow down and just live for the moment? Lately I have stopped to look at my patients with eyes not of a nursing student but with eyes of a spirit. Many of them are nearing the end of their life on earth and I wonder as I look at their tired eyes and weak body, Did they live for the moment? Did they love with all their heart? Did they experience the pain that comes from experiencing love? I think that feeling love for someone or something is worth all the pain that may come from letting go and just loving for the moment. I wonder if they experienced everything that they wanted to and if they are leaving this world satisfied with the life they lived. I recall a scene from Saving Private Ryan. I will give a brief summary of the movie to better understand the scene that I am recalling. Tom Hanks plays a character sent out to find this Private Ryan and bring him home safely to his mother because his brothers have been killed in battle. During the movie, he finds Private Ryan to find that Ryan does not wish to return home so he stays with him to keep him safe. Tom Hanks character ends up getting critically wounded and Private Ryan is holding his head in his hands and Hank tells him, (again, my summary) my death will not be in vain as long as you live to be a good man. The end of the movie forwards to an aged Ryan kneeling at the grave of Hanks' character with his wife. He turns to his wife, old with age, and says, "Tell me I have been a good man. Have I lived my life the way that I should have?" I imagine that all individuals that are balancing on that spot between this world and the next must feel that same emotion. And I find myself wondering, HAVE I LIVED MY LIFE THE WAY THAT I SHOULD? What a blessing it is to live. I know that I tend to be the person that focuses not on what went right during my day but to remember all those things that I didn't accomplish, didn't say, and didn't do. As I have been looking into those tired eyes, and assisting those weak bodies I have come to realize that it matters not what I didn't do but rather, those things that I did. What a beautiful message President Monson shared with us......Live for the moment. Take the time to look at the leaves the way that a child would. We never know when our time will be and we should focus on those moments that we would want to take with us. When my time comes, I do not want to remember those moments of worrying about bills or keeping up with the stresses of life. I want to remember the moments that I laughed with my family, the feeling of my children wrapping their arms around me, the way my husband smells when I lay next to him in bed, the times of pain and trial where my friends and family loved me, and the spiritual experiences of life that out way the painful mortal. Everytime I have a patient that is withdrawn into their world of dementia I try to imagine that somewhere within their own reality, they are reliving those moments.
1- Where did you meet? In our singles ward. I was hanging out with his roomates and he moved in.
2- How long did you date before you were married? We met in January and got married July 7
3- How long have you been married for? 8 years
4- What does he do that surprises you? He hides and waits for me to come around the corner and then jumps out and scares me.
5- What's your favorite feature about him? His smile.
6 - What's your favorite quality about him? He is always happy.
7- Does he have a nickname for you? What is it? No. Unless you consider "woman" a nickname
8- What's his favorite color? Green like money.
9- What's his favorite food? Ribs
10-What is his favorite sport? Hockey
11- Who said I love you first? He did
12- When and where was your first kiss? At my apartment. After our first date.
13-Do you have kids? How many? Yes. Two boys.
14- What's a hidden talent that he has? He is an excellent housecleaner.
15- How old is he? he will be 31 this November
16- What's his favorite type of music? Rock
17- What do you admire most about him? He is such a great father. The boys just love him
18-What's his favorite past time? Watching sports, playing video games
19- Do you think he is going to read this? No. He doesn't read my blog
Connor likes to stay close to his goal so that no one on the other team scores! In jr. soccer they do not have a goalie but he tries his hardest to play it
His number is 8!!!! That is also the amount of goals that he averages per game.
As previously promised, here are the pictures from Connor's soccer. He just amazes me because he has some fancy footwork. I have never had an interest in soccer but watching Connor play is so much fun. I am so proud of how well he excels at sports. (especially because he is a sports fanatic) I always dreamed of having little girls but I am just loving every minute with my little boys. I am finally getting used to the roughness, Star Wars, and dirt (I do admit to still scrubbing them clean every night before bed). I always wanted children and imagined how much satisfaction would come into my life from having them but I never expected the amount of love I would feel when they would wrap their arms around me. I try to remember those moments when I discover that they have snuck into the kitchen and ate the whole bag of chocolate chips and the hours of extreme sugar high that follow.
