Being a mother is a no win situation. I came to that conclusion tonight. Jade's niece is getting married on October 6th and we are jetting to Calgary, Alberta for a weekend to be a part of the festivities. After booking the flight we realized that one member of our household does not currently possess a passport. (Jaxson) As silly as it sounds, they will not let Jaxson travel with us if he does not have a passport. We tried to apply for one but it takes too long for the process. Our only option was to drive to Philadelphia and wait in long lines to apply for an emergency passport for him. While making the decision, I envisioned what this trip would be like with Jaxson. It takes a whole day to travel to Calgary and we are leaving on a Thursday and coming home on a Sunday. That is a long plane ride and a short trip for a two year old. I decided that for my own sanity, I would leave Jaxson with a close family from church. And, I felt comfortable with my decision until tonight. Suddenly anxiety has struck and the thought of being without my baby for 4 days has me completely undone. I am not thinking rationally. My mind is playing tricks on me, imagining how Jaxson will be devastated and confused that we are all leaving him. I am terrified that he will think that he has been abandoned. Suddenly I feel this urge to make a will and designate custody of Jaxson if anything should happen to us. Even more insane, I am actually considering the trip to Philly to get the passport and taking Jaxson with us just so I will not be "dying" without him. Truth be told, I think this whole experience will be more beneficial for me than for him. I realize that somewhere in the back of my crazy thinking, that I really need to do this. I need to leave Jaxson because I have never left him before. I need to learn to let go. I mean, people leave their kids all the time and go on vacation......right? right? right? Please tell me that I am not a bad mother for leaving him behind..........
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2 comments:
um, no you're not a bad mother. I've left Liv for a week, and she was fine. You'll be ok, and you can semi-relax on that long flight. A 22 month old is a handful traveling - trust me.
Not only are you not a bad mom, it's both food for you, and for him. He will get wonderful experiences living for a short while with a different family, and learn much about how other's live and operate. You, on the other hand will get to deal with missing him. Sounds like he gets the lion's share of the benefits. Also remember that growth opportunities always require some stress, so all in all, sounds pretty normal to me :)
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