"I'll lend you for a little time, a child of mine, " He said. "For you to love the while he lives and mourn for when he's dead".

It is still hard to accept  that my first born was taken so soon.I did not miss one milestone. I have always had it in the back of my mind exactly what he would be doing at each year and how different my life would have been with him.

God looked the wide world over in search of teachers true, and from the throngscrowd life's lanes I have selected you. Now will you give him all your love, nor think the labor vain, nor hate me when I come to call to take hi back again?"

I fancied that I heard them say, "Dear Lord, thy will be done.For all the joy this child shall bring, the risk of grief we will run. We'll shelter him with tenderness, we'll love hi while we may. And for the happiness we've known, forever grateful stay. But should the angels call for him much sooner than we've planned, we will brave the bitter grief and try to underdstand.

I cannot say that I was ever the same person after. It was my first experience with the love a mother has for her child and my first experience with the heartbreak of losing someone you would give your life for. It left me a little hard and not as easy to love. For years I didn't want to talk about it because it was like a raw sore. So painful and unbearable. The first time it rained I was beside myself with thoughts that my baby was in the ground.  I had to gain a testimony that God existed and that my son was not in the ground that rainy night but in heaven where he should be. It didn't make it easier to know he was in heaven because I wanted him there for every first birthday, christmas, thanksgiving,first time at the park, first day of preschool,first lost tooth, ect. I still wonder how it would be to have a 16 year old getting ready to learn to drive.

You were everything we had prayed for you to be,

Our special little angle that we finally got to meet.

We held you in our arms and watched you breathe your final breath.

Still just as beautiful, even in your death.

If we had just been given a little more time,

you could have felt the love we were waiting to give

Everything we did for nine months

was preparation for you  to live.

And sixteen years it has been and our memories are few

but your mom and dad still remember the day and love you.

Love Mom 2012