I wanted to write a post everyday to remember my vacation but I got sick the first night I arrived here. I finally went in to an insta clinic yesterday and got an antibiotic and last night was my first full night of sleep. (besides the one bathroom break I had to take, darn pregnancy) So, I will do a recap.

Thursday
Slept until 10 AM. Went to my favorite food place, Taco Time at 11:30 AM. Took my mom to work at 2 PM and spent a few hours shopping without children.....all alone. I forgot how nice it is to shop alone and be able to look at every thing without being rushed. Came back to my parents house and just watched TV until I picked my mom up from work at 8 PM. Spent the rest of the night watching Arrested Development Season 1 with my mom and sister.

Friday
Woke up still tired after having a long night of coughing, vomiting, and a sore throat. Didn't stop me from driving up to Salt Lake City to get my 4D ultrasound of Carter. It was amazing and worth every penny. He has fat cheeks, a button nose, and a little chin. From the ultrasound he looks like Connor but after looking at some of Jaxson's newborn pictures, he could be a mix of both. Jaxson had that little chin too. I am so in love with my new baby. Seeing his pictures makes me so excited to hold him and take care of him. He is so beautiful. After the ultrasound we went to IHOP and drove home. We watched Arrested Development Season 2 then went to bed.

Saturday
HORRIBLE NIGHT!!! Decided today that sickness was getting worse and that I needed to see a doctor. First, I had a shopping date with my partner in crime, Tiffiney. We had lunch at Brick Oven Pizza then spent a few hours at the University Mall. I bought the cutest shoes and some new shirts. I would have bought more but was still feeling sick and was starting to feel pressure in my sinus area. I hated to cut my day short with my bestest bud but I decided to go home and seek medical help. On the way home we made a quick stop at the Provo bakery and only in Utah county would someone have a life size statue of Jesus on their front lawn. Of course we stopped and I took a picture with my camera phone.

Came home and threw up a few times before my mom drove me to the insta clinic. The wonderful doctor gave me a diagnosis of sinus infection and gave me antibiotics, nasal spray, and something for the sinus pain. Oh, on the way home we stopped at a local restaurant and joined the Wieners Lovers Club.

I woke up today realizing that I only have two more full days in Utah. My vacation is going by so fast. I realized how much I miss my family and friends and even though I miss my boys it will be bittersweet to leave Utah.

I made it to Utah! The flight was even longer without children! I thought it would be a nice relaxing flight but turn out, I learned a valuable lesson. Don't have a window seat on a 5 hour flight when you are 7 months pregnant. Especially if the guy sitting in the aisle seat is an ugly professor grading papers that refuses to get up so you can get up and stretch your legs! I ALMOST took a picture of him with my camera phone. You know, just to irritate him even more.

I am so excited to get through my last two days of work and leave for my vacation to Utah. I will miss my boys VERY much but I am looking forward to seeing my family and friends again. I think this vacation will be the perfect way to break up this pregnancy. The beginning weeks went by really fast and I hit 20 weeks and feel like time is SLOWLY creeping by. I'm hoping the weeks will start flying by again.

I was excited to finally go this past week and see the exhibit Body Works at the Franklin Institute. It was so interesting. My favorite exhibit was the woman that was 20 weeks pregnant. Call me morbid.......but I found it fascinating.

Maryland

We went down to Maryland to visit with my cousin Skyler and her family. She has a son named Tavis that is the same age as Jaxson and the two boys had so much fun together. They became instant best friends. It was fun to see the two boys together since I grew up with Skyler and we are only a month apart in age. Nice that we live an hour away from each other and our boys are the same age.

Thought for the day

You can close your eyes to the things you don't want to see, but you can't close your heart to the things you don't want to feel.

Happy Birthday Connor

Connor's birthday with friends

It is Connor's birthday cake but it is not Connor blowing out the candles.......can you spot the wish thief?? (poor Connor, little brothers can be such a pain in the butt)

For Connor's birthday this year we bought him hockey tickets to go see his favorite team the Dallas Stars play the Philadelphia Flyers. He was able to choose two friends to go with him and celebrated with pizza, cheesecake, and presents before the hockey game. His favorite gift was his ipod Nano. It has been a bittersweet day accepting that I have a 7 year old now. I remember my sleepless nights with my colicky newborn 7 years ago. I love you Connor!

I need it

I have heard the following from Jaxson today....

I NEED a donut. I just need it mom.
I NEED to play the Wii.
I NEED McDonalds-French fries, chicken nuggets, and a Sprite.
Mom, Connor turned off Dora and I NEED Dora.

Jaxson is a little man that has no problems knowing exactly what he needs.

Fumbling through life. I feel like that is what I am doing right now. Just fumbling through. I have struggled the past few days with a storm brewing inside me of self doubt, insecurity, and self worthlessness. As is life, we can't all dance through the different stages without having the times where it feels like everything is crumbling down and we switch from a human mode to a robot mode and we just get through the day mechanically and programmed. And I realized today as I thought about life's experiences that through our joy and suffering it is part of the universal circle of life. I go through my experiences to better understand and help my children when they will go through theirs. If I never experienced the joy of falling in love I wouldn't understand the fleeting feeling they will experience when that time comes for them. And if I didn't experience heartbreak then I wouldn't have the compassion or sympathy to comfort them when they experience their heartbreak. And what a hard thing to accept that once day I will have to watch them suffer. But it is knowing that I will have the experiences to watch them experience joy and love that switch me from robot mode back to human. And during my times of self doubt, insecurity, and self worthlessness it give me some comfort to know that my experience may someday benefit them. And as life is, that is how compassion is made. You can't fully comprehend the pain you inflict upon another unless someone has inflicted that pain upon you.

Should I stay or should I go now?

As my pregnancy draws closer to the final stages I am feeling anxiety. I know that in a few short weeks I will be banned from boarding a plane. And after the baby is born it is so hard to do anything yet alone plan a trip and go somewhere. Utah is calling me......




Update: The ticket has been purchased and I am Utah bound!

24 weeks

Half way finished. It is like running a race. Such a rush when you know you are at least half done. I feel that way with every pregnancy when I hit the 20 week mark. This pregnancy hasn't been all that bad. Very different from the other ones. I had horrible morning sickness in the beginning. That was new to me. And I have no appetite with this pregnancy. Also very new to me since with the other two I ate like a pig and gained the weight to show it. I have hit the heartburn phase and I think that is what takes away my appetite. Nothing like feeling fire in your chest and throat.

I have planned better with this pregnancy and have accumulated a large supply of diapers and clothes for the first three months. Since this was a surprise pregnancy I was not prepared and had NOTHING left over from my two previous babies.

I am pretty sure that this little guy will be named Carter Ricky Borowski. It just keeps coming to me and I will take that as a sign that this little guy likes that name. And in the hopes that this baby is a girl.......her name will be Brianna. (wishful thinking LOL) I am actually excited for another little boy. I took the time to watch my two boys play together today and was so proud of the love that they have and show for one another.

updates

I typed a whole post on my new laptop and with the click of one wrong button it was gone. So frustrating. Oh well. I will start over.

Christmas morning was so fun this year. The boys are old enough that they got really excited and it was such a pleasure watching them open their gifts. They were excited about every gift they received. Jaxson's favorite phrase of the morning was, "That's mine!" After the wrapping paper was ripped off and the gifts sorted into piles, it was time to assemble all the goods. It took HOURS! Jade was a good sport and did it all while I went to work.

New Years was spent in many different ways. The little boys spend the New Years sleeping while the big boy went to a New Years party. I spent the New Year reading a book and sleeping after I heard the fireworks and whistles of the new year. Some resolutions I have decided on:

1. Eat healthier
2. Plan better for the future
3. Have a new baby (haha, that was decided for me and an easy resolution to keep)
4. Make wiser choices. Think with my head and not with my heart all the time.

Christmas 2009