I got a job offer. I accepted but I am still secretly hoping that I get something else. It was not the job I wanted but with the way the market is right now, I will take it. Plus, it is a Monday through Friday job with no weekends or holidays. Can't beat that for a nursing job. And while I thought I would feel relief at finding employment, I find that I feel sadness. I will miss being home during the day waiting for the boys to get home from school. My OCD is worried about getting all the normal cleaning finished with the demands of a full time job. (the eye is twitching as I write that with visions of laundry stacking up and sticky floors)

I thought I would be happy being in this time of my life but I still yearn to go back to those days of new babies---long nights, diaper changes, walks around the block pushing a stroller, and sleeping with a newborn in my arms. And I am stuck in limbo wondering......should I start all over again? Because we all remember those wonderful moments of having a new baby but quickly forget the "other" moments. I do remember the tears (mine, not the baby).